Navigating Hard Feelings After Loss: A Guide to Self-Care and Support

Losing someone can be incredibly difficult. It's like a rollercoaster of emotions. But guess what? Taking care of yourself and reaching out for support can make a huge difference. We hope this resource will help you navigate through this tough time.

Take Great Care of Yourself

Losing a friend, peer, or acquaintance suddenly to suicide is a lot to go through and you might need some extra self care (more than you usually need). One of the best things you can do for your community is to take extra good care of yourself.

• It could look like taking time to cry, breathe, exercise, be with your pet, journal, nap, make art, listen to music, play video games, etc.
• People take care of themselves in different ways. Think about what would be the most supportive for you and don’t be afraid to ask for it. some text
  • Do you prefer to take care of yourself alone? Do you prefer to be together with loved ones? 
  • Asking for what you need could sound like this: some text
    • “I would like to spend time listening to music alone in my room tonight.” 
    • “What would really support me is to spend some time making art together. Can we sit near each other for 20 mins and just color?” 
    • I would like to cry for awhile and what would help me is if you just sit with me and listen and let me cry for awhile

Understand your feelings 

Everyone processes events like this differently. Some people experience anger and deep sadness, and others won’t feel a lot, or experience laughter and even celebration. Some will be very outwardly expressive, others will process it more in private by themselves.

• Remind yourself: “there is no right way to grieve” Whatever you are experiencing is allowed, normal, and belongs (even if its different than others)
• Don’t “should” yourself: “I should be crying more.” “I should be crying less” “I should be talking about it more” “I should be handling this better”  Be extra kind and patient with yourself
• Share your own real emotions: You don’t need to fake it or hold your emotions in to protect others from seeing you upset
• Identify: How do you feel? (there might be more than one feeling at the same time)  Check out this feelings wheel

Talking to (or NOT talking) to your friends and family 

There will likely be a lot of people talking and sharing about this event or even checking in on you and asking you questions about how you are.

• You have permission to talk to others about your feelings if it supports you to talk about it. You also have permission to say “I don’t want to talk about it right now” 
• You are in charge of noticing what you need and communicating that to others. Your friends and family aren’t mind readers so it will be up to you to teach them how to best support you. 
• If a friend/family wants to talk about what happened and you don’t, you might say something like:  “I really care about you and I want to be there for you. I notice I just don’t have the energy right now to talk about this. Can you ask someone else for help with this? Please know it isn’t personal, I am just not up to it right now.” 
• If you want to talk about it and your friend/family doesn't want to talk about it: Is there someone else you can talk to about it? Maybe reach out to a clayful coach or grab your journal and let out your emotions there? Just know it isn’t because they don’t love you, it's likely because they just don’t have the energy to support you at this moment. There is nothing wrong with you! Could you get your needs met somewhere else? 

Take time to honor your friend/peer that passed away:

• For some people, acknowledging the significance of the loss and sharing memories or stories about the person who passed away can be really important, even if you didn’t know them very well.
• You might create a scrapbook, artwork, or write letters to your friend as part of your healing process.
• You might share stories about them,  light a candle, or do something special in their honor

Ask for help: 

• If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, don’t wait to reach out for professional help. Talk to a counselor, therapist, trusted adult, or reach out to Clayful coaches. We are here to support you.

Go to chatwithclayful.com to get support from a Clayful Coach 💛