Guiding Kids Through Tough Conversations: Talking About the Middle East and Beyond

There is a lot going on in the world right now.  

What’s happening in the Middle East is heavy.

While we adults are trying to process what’s happening using our fully formed brains, our children are also trying to process what’s happening with premature brains.  And it’s not easy.

Many of us are waiting for our children to start a conversation. 

Others of us are in denial that our kids are even aware.

But rest assured…everyone is talking about what’s happening.

And that means, that even if your child doesn't watch the news or have social media accounts, chances are, if they are in elementary school or older, they are most likely hearing or going to hear something, somewhere.

Research shows us that engaging in conversations about hard things with our kids can help them to:

• Develop Emotional intelligence
• Improve Coping skills
• Reduce anxiety
• Strengthen bonds
• Develop critical thinking

More importantly, engaging in conversations with our kids can help them process their feelings and feel less alone.

So how do you start a conversation about what’s happening in the Middle East right now?

Here’s your step by step guide:

1. Check in with yourself

• Ask yourself: am I feeling regulated right now?
• If you are feeling too emotional, you can try a breathing exercise like this one before you get started.

2. Check in with your child

Leading with questions and curiosity is best.  Here some questions you can ask:

• Have you heard about what’s happening in the news?
• What have you heard about at school or online?
• What do you think is true/not true?
• Are there any things that you’re curious about?

3. Normalize

Any way a child shows up to this conversation is invited…even if they don’t want to talk at all.

When children have their feelings normalized, they are more likely to:

• express themselves openly and honestly now and in the future 
• trust you fully with their thoughts and emotions 
• express themselves without fear of judgment

Here are some things you can say to normalize anything your child says or doens’t say:

• It's completely okay to feel that way.
• Many of us are feeling that same way.
• You're not alone in feeling like that; it's something many people are feeling.
• I understand where you're coming from, and it's normal to feel that way right now.
  

4. Brainstorm 

Sometimes taking action, even in situations where we can’t control the outcome, can be therapeutic.  It can help us move from a feeling of helplessness to an active state of engagement. 

Work together to answer the following question as one way to get active:

How can we do more good things to make the world the way we want it to be?

It could be as simple as saying “i love you” more often, or giving a compliment to everyone you see in a day. 

Simply taking action can create a sense of purpose, provide an emotional release and provide constructive distractions from worrying or rumination.

Beware! Don’t be a fixer 

As a caring adult, we might want to go into “fix it” mode. 

“Fix it” mode is a common instinct parents or caregivers have when they see a child struggling or upset. 

Being in “fix it” mode can have unintended consequences. It can stunt emotional growth, create dependency, and invalidate feelings.

The truth is, we can’t fix sadness, anger or fear. 

In fact, it’s normal and healthy to have these emotions when we are in uncertain times and we don’t want to depress or avoid them.

Instead of fixing, you can be with the feeling. You can:

• Hug
• Sit together in silence
• Take a walk together
• Dance together
• Sing together
• Cry together
• Paint a picture together
• Doodle
• Do a puzzle 

However the conversation goes, what is most important is that you have one.

Hard conversations often have more questions than answers.

You don’t have to have all of the answers. There may not be any answers right now and that’s ok.

If you don’t know what to say, just say that…”I don’t know what to say.”  

It’s great to model not knowing  💛

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Co-written with Ilana Ingber, Personal Development & Leadership Coach

Ilana is a life & leadership coach who derives great joy in supporting caring thought leaders to prioritize their well being and increase positive impact.

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