Navigating Grief: A Guide for Teachers and Families Supporting Young People Coping with Peer Loss to Suicide

This resource aims to provide guidance and strategies for teachers and families to effectively support young people to cope with the loss of a peer to suicide.

Below, you will find strategies to:

• take care of yourself
• normalize difference experiences when grieving
• check in with young people & trust their process
• ask supportive questions
• provide factual information
• honor the deceased

Take extra care of yourself

Put on your oxygen mask before you go to help others.

• We know it can feel like there is no time to take care of yourself when there is so much need to take care of others. One of the best things you can do for your community is to take exquisite care of yourself.
• Create time to take care of yourself - whatever that means to you. It could like time to cry, breathe, exercise, eat a nourishing meal, journal, nap, etc.
  • Remember: taking care of yourself doesn’t have to take a long time. Scheduling time in your calendar to take care of yourself can also be helpful.
• It’s not only encouraged to take some time for yourself, it’s also a powerful opportunity to model self care in your classroom or household
  • You can model this behavior by saying: “I need to take some extra time to take care of myself this morning.  I am going to (journal, breath, listen to music, go for a walk, cry, etc.)”
  • “While I am taking extra care of myself, I invite you to take extra care of yourself too.”
    • Some YP will want to have time to themselves alone and others will want to be together. Put young people at choice and give them options.
    • For example: if you want to be alone you can sit at your desk, listen to music, lay your head down, etc. If you’d like to be with others you can go to the recess area, go for a walk with your friends, etc.‍
• Take your time. There is no need to power through to business as usual. The math lesson can wait. The laundry can wait. Make time in your classroom and in your household to rest, color in coloring books, listen to calming music, journal your feelings, etc.

Normalize different experiences when grieving

• Everyone processes grief differently. Some people experience rage and deep sadness, and others will become numb or experience laughter and even celebration. Some will be very externally expressive, others will process it more internally by themselves.
• Remind yourself and the young people around you, “there is no right way to grieve. Whatever you are experiencing is valid, normal, and belongs.”
• Do not shame or pressure young people into having more or less of a reaction.  However they are showing up, be with it without trying to change it or fix it
• Avoid judgement - “they should be crying more,” “they should be crying less” “they should be talking about it more” “they should be handling this better” etc.
• Share your own authentic emotions demonstrating that it's okay to express sadness, anger, or grief.  You do not need to hold it in or protect them from seeing you upset. It is a natural response.

Check-in with young people and trust their process:

• When speaking with a young person who has just lost a friend/peer to suicide, it's crucial to approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy. Here are some questions you might consider asking:
• Would you like to talk about how you are feeling right now?
  • If they say no: respect this boundary and trust their process. Let them know that you are available to talk about it later if they change their mind. Do not pressure them to talk about it if they don’t want to.
  • If they say yes: ask them open ended questions like, “Tell me about what you are thinking and feeling.”
• Listen and repeat back to them what they say so they feel heard and understood. As best as you can, try to repeat back to them their own words exactly as they say it. For example: “I hear you saying you are… ‘scared, angry and confused.’ What else are you feeling?”
• Be generous with words of affirmation: Tell them you love them, you care for them, etc.

Other questions that might be supportive:

1. Do you want to share anything about your friend who passed away?
2. What thoughts or emotions are going through your mind since you heard the news?
3. Is there anything you wish to hear me say to you? Is there anything I could say that would comfort you?
4. Do you have any concerns or fears about what might happen next?
5. Have you been able to talk to anyone else about how you're feeling?
6. Is there anything I can do to support you right now?

Provide Factual Information:

• Provide factual information about suicide, emphasizing that it's a complex issue and not something that can be easily understood.
• If you do not know the facts, tell the young person “I don’t know the answer to that question.”
• Address any misconceptions or rumors by providing accurate information in a calm and reassuring manner.

Take time to honor the deceased:

• Acknowledge the significance of the loss and share memories or stories about the person who passed away. Keeping their memory alive can provide comfort and validation to grieving individuals.

Have more questions? Reach out to us at coaches@clayfulhealth.com

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